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Reactive Patterns: The One Cause of Every Problem In Your Life

rethinkh — Thu, 07 Jul 2011 06:21:59 +0000

It’s 5:00PM. You’re battling the afternoon commute. Traffic is moving slower than your 97 year old grandmother and every horn blare and brake squeal is a teeth-gritting assault to your senses. You turn on the radio and, after switching to every station on your tuner, you decide it’s all just chaotic, ugly noise. You can literally feel the the tension building through your shoulders and neck. You’ve had a stressful day at work and all you can really think of is getting home, eating something fatty/salty/crunchy/sweet and then sitting in front of the TV until it’s time for bed. As you’re driving, you pass by that fast food place you always used to go to as a kid. During a half-baked argument with yourself weighing the pros and cons of stopping in and grabbing something quick to eat, you hear the words “Welcome to [popular fast food place], how can I help you?” Yes, your car magically found it’s way into the drive-though. Later, as you’re chowing down on your double-patty mondo burger, you’re filled with an almost spiritual sense of peace. As you make love to this fatty, carb-loaded, chemical laced jewel of perfection, you wonder if life could possibly get any better. All your problems have spontaneously disappeared. You turn on the radio and instead of the mish-mash of discordant noise you were presented with earlier, it’s now the smooth melodies and warm tones of your favorite songs; your ears revel in the luxurious rhythm. Your breathing has shifted to a relaxed and comfortable pace. The tension has been purged from your neck and shoulders; replaced by a warm softness that gracefully encourages you to sink into your seat. There you are in all your drug-induced glory and all the angels in heaven are surely smiling down on you. Minutes later, the inevitable guilt and subsequent gas rips you from your sweet escape. You plead to yourself in utter exasperation, “Why do I keep doing this if I know it’s so bad for me?!” The answer, my friend, is that you’ve been caught a reactive pattern. While it’s nothing like the pattern on that sweater you got from your great aunt Martha last Christmas, it’s just as ugly and even more destructive. Reactive patterns make you feel weak and out of control, they limit your choices and they are the cause of every problem you have. Left unchecked, reactive patterns will completely destroy your sense of self, your health, your finances and your relationships. The opposite of a reactive pattern is a proactive pattern. Before we get ahead of ourselves, let’s define these two new concepts:

Reactive Patterns

A reactive pattern is an automatic response to external stimuli with the positive intent of meeting your psychological needs. Reactive patterns are dependent on previous conditioning and programming and they are based on fear.

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Reactive Patterns:

Cause problems in health, finances and relationships
Limit choices
Lead to destructive behaviors
Create a weaker, less resourceful state
Downward spiral
Instant gratification

Proactive Patterns

A proactive pattern is a self-directed response to external stimuli with the positive intent of meeting your psychological needs. Proactive patterns are independent of previous conditioning or programming and they are based on unity, integration and self-expression.

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Proactive patterns:

Solve problems and lead to better health, better finances and better relationships
Expand choices
Lead to proactive behaviors
Create a stronger, more resourceful state
Upward spiral
Delayed gratification

Reactive Patterns Are The Cause of Destructive Behaviors

In a reactive pattern, when meeting our needs is perceived to be a matter of life and death, our automatic reaction is to choose the fastest possible way to meet them. This often leads to drug addictions, health challenges, toxic relationships and financial ruin because reactive behaviors based on instant gratification are almost always self-destructive. Yet not all behaviors that seek to meet our needs are negative, only the ones that we don’t control. In time, the behaviors we don’t control end up controlling us. However we all have a choice to become aware of our own behaviors and proactively step out of reactive patterns so we can get more of what we want in life. Reactive Comfort Seeking Behaviors Examples of reactive certainty (comfort, security, control) seeking behaviors:

emotional eating
watching TV
reading
sleeping too much
smoking
excessive alcohol consumption
over-thinking
being controlling or domineering in relationships
cleaning excessively
gambling

Reactive Variety Seeking Behaviors Examples of reactive variety (excitement, adventure, drama) seeking behaviors:

gossiping
starting arguments
drug abuse
gambling
watching TV
reading
emotional eating
drinking
shopping
playing video games

Reactive Significance Seeking Behaviors Examples of reactive significance seeking behaviors:

bragging
shopping
fighting
bullying
name calling
excessive alcohol consumption
smoking
drinking
swearing

Reactive Love/Connection Seeking Behaviors Examples of reactive love/connection seeking behaviors:

emotional eating
texting/calling/reaching out too often
approval seeking

Proactive Patterns Are The Cause of Constructive Behaviors

All proactive behaviors are naturally aligned with growth and contribution. Examples of proactive behaviors aligned with growth and contribution:

consistent exercise
healthy eating
seeking to understand
waking up early
meditation
…and much, much more

How Do We Get Out Of Reactive Patterns? The Critical Point of Leverage

Often times, we blame our negative state on less than positive finances, relationships or health, but these things are the product of reactive patterns, not the cause of them. Reactive patterns are really caused by our internal state, which is a combination of how we use our bodies, what we focus on, the language we sue and the meaning we attribute to any given experience. (For more information on how to master your internal state, check out Creating Change in Social Systems By Mastering Yourself.) We may not have control over what’s happening outside of us, but we have absolute control about how we respond to outside forces. In fact, knowing we can control our internal state is the only thing in life we can be 100% certain about. The common mistake of striving for control in an inherently uncontrollable world leads to massive uncertainty, anxiety and stress. A constant and powerful sense of certainty can only be found in a deeper and clearer understanding of ourselves and the internal forces that give life to our emotions, our values and our behaviors. Having met our very basic need for certainty through understanding ourselves, we can then orient towards greater personal growth and meaningful contribution to the world we live in.

The 21 Power Principles

rethinkh — Fri, 20 May 2011 06:11:46 +0000

Over the past year I’ve had the pleasure of being taught by people who have some astonishing clarity about human behavior and personal transformation; people like peak performance strategist, Anthony Robbins, family therapist and trainer, Dr. Cloe Madanes, and transformative communication expert, Dr. David Wolf, among many others. What I’ve learned has rocked the foundations of my world and redefined what’s possible. The results my clients have been getting as a result of integrating these new approaches has absolutely blown me away. To give you a better idea about how I do my particular brand of personal coaching, I felt inspired to create a list of the guiding principles… 1. We are all self-determined and in complete control of our own lives, whether we are consciously aware of it or not. All personal change must begin with accepting complete responsibility for our beliefs, perceptions, decisions and actions, both past and present. If we are unwilling to accept responsibility, then we are unwilling to change. 2. We are all born perfect, whole and complete. Despite this fact, many people feel a nagging sense of being incomplete and in their unawareness they seek wholeness in the outside world, in relationships, material excesses and external achievements, instead of looking inside. The reason for this perceived lack of wholeness is that we’ve made key decisions, often very early in our lives, to repress certain aspects of ourselves. Acceptance and reintegration of these disowned parts, through re-examination of related key decisions, leads to personal transformation. 3. We respond to our experience, not to reality itself. Through our senses, we gather information and this information is filtered through our current beliefs, values and decisions and references. The information that is left over after it has been filtered is what we experience. 4. Having a choice is better than not having a choice. With greater choices comes greater flexibility and freedom in our response. The only reason we would perceive a lack of choice is because we have developed habitual patterns of language, focus and physiology. 5. We make the best choice we can at the time. The decisions we’ve made in the past are a reflection of our worldview at that time and are not a reflection of who we are as people. The choices that were available to us in the past were different from the choices available to us in the present. 6. All behaviors have a positive intent and all positive intentions must be respected. Every behavior is appropriate, given the proper context. 7. Human potential is unlimited. Our beliefs, key decisions, life values, references and consistent patterns of language, focus and physiology are the only limiting factors. 8. Mind and body form a system. They are different expressions of the one person and any change in one produces a corresponding change in the other. Therefore, personal change is not just a mental event, but a physical one as well. 9. Modeling successful performance leads to excellence. The best way to achieve what we want is to model the behaviors, values and beliefs of the people that already have it. 10. We must confront the real issues to make permanent, pervasive changes in our experience. Unless we deal with the real issues, the problem is likely to reappear. 11. People are always motivated, albeit not always in the ways they consciously want. There is no such thing as lack of motivation only a lack of motivation to take a specific action. A person is either motivated to do something, or motivated not to do something; either motivated away from something or towards something. 12. The quality of our relationships, with ourselves and others, is determined by the quality of our communication. The meaning of communication is not simply what you intend, but also the response you receive. Empowerment in relationships comes from deep heart-felt understanding of others through quality communication. 13. The quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives. Relationships can be sources of great uplifting, joy and psychological healing, or they can be sources of pain, distress and trauma. This inherent power in relationships must be taken into account and utilized for any personal change to occur. 14. The past does not equal the future. The past is past; the only power it has over us is the power we give it. Our attachment to the key decisions we’ve made regarding past experiences is what prevents us from expressing ourselves fully in the present. 15. There is no such thing as failure, only feedback. With every action, we produce some result. If we want a different result it’s as easy as changing our actions – this is the process of learning. 16. All people are equally worthy of love and respect regardless of their limits, fears and challenges or the knowledge and skills they acquire over their lifetime. All belief systems are valid in the context in which they were constructed, and thus are worthy of respect and consideration. 17. You are not your thoughts, you are something much, much more. The little voice (egocentric speech) inside your head that sounds like you and talks like you is not you, but rather a symptom of learning language and it is produced by the interplay between the limbic system and the frontal cortex. The solution is not to silence the voice, but just to stop believing it, especially when it gets out of hand. 18. When caught in limiting patterns, insight and self-awareness is lacking. Working with the right coach or facilitator can be a very efficient and effective way to gain insight and ensure that past experiences and decisions do not negatively interfere with future happiness, fulfillment and success. 19. The meaning we assign to our experiences determines our response to them. All negative experiences can be traced back to an inaccurate or dis-empowering meaning assigned to those events, based on incomplete or misguided information. 20. First we make our habits, then our habits make us. The states and behaviors that we consistently choose for ourselves become our automatic way of being, thinking and doing in all areas of our lives; work, relationships, finances and health. 21. The power of language is in its meaning; we must be aware of this when communicating with ourselves and others. The words we use have incredible power to heal or hurt; to create joy or suffering; to uplift or devastate.

3 Keys To Developing a Super State Management Ritual

rethinkh — Wed, 27 Apr 2011 21:43:18 +0000

Have you ever had an awkward, uncomfortable conversation with someone and walked away thinking, “I can’t believe I said that!”? (If you answered yes, then give yourself a pat on the back and acknowledge yourself for being one of 6 or 7 billion human beings who have all experienced the same thing.) On the flip side, have you ever had a great, uplifting conversation with someone and walked away thinking, “Yeah, that was me!”? Chances are you’ve had both of these experiences, but what’s the difference between them? Why did you say all the wrong things in the first example and all the right things in the last example? The reason there was such a profound shift in your behavior from one experience to the next is not because you became a different person, but because you were in a different state. This is just one example of how different states affect your behaviors. With your body and mind, you have the ability to experience a wide range of emotional states. The different states you experience are associated with different automatic behaviors. If you’re in a tense, introverted state, then tense, introverted behaviors are automatic. If you’re in a happy, outgoing state, then happy, outgoing behaviors are automatic. Learning how to effectively manage your emotional state is the most important skill you could possibly learn in your life. Why? Because the quality of your life is a reflection of the quality of the states you continually experience. If you want to blast beyond your current limitations, contribute to the world at the highest level, and generally have a great life, then you must learn how to manage your state in an effective and positive way.

Developing Your State Management Ritual

There are 3 parts to an effective state management ritual: Quality Questions, Positive Focus and Uplifting Physiology. We’ll go through each one of these parts in depth to give you a complete understanding of exactly what you need to do to manage your state. Quality Questions All thought can be viewed very simply as the process of asking and answering questions. Our brains are like brilliant question answering machines; whatever questions we pose to ourselves, whether positive or negative, will be answered. Now, it’s been said that there’s no such things as a stupid question, but people ask stupid questions all the time! My definition of a stupid question is any question that presupposes a lack or limitation. For example, “Why am I such a failure?” is a brilliant example of a stupid question. If you look at the structure of the question, the statement “I am a failure” is accepted as being absolutely true and the question is merely asking for further proof that the statement “I am a failure” is true. Is it possible to find proof of something that isn’t true? Absolutely! (Just talk to any defense lawyer!) Simply put, if you ask a stupid question, you’ll get a stupid answer. In order to change your habitual patterns of thought, it is essential that you stop asking yourself stupid questions and start asking yourself quality questions. A quality question is any question that direct your focus in a positive way. Here are some great examples of quality questions…

What am I grateful for? What am I happiest about? What/Who am I inspired by? What am I excited about? Who do I love? Who loves me? What am I committed to today? All I really need to remember is…

In any given moment, you can certainly find proof of lack and limitation, but you can also find proof of abundance and your unlimited potential. The power is all in what you focus on… Positive Focus What you focus on, you feel. We all know this experientially; when you think about a happy memory, your breathing becomes more relaxed, your posture shifts to more openness and you become more relaxed, conversely when you think about an unhappy memory, your breathing becomes more constricted, your posture becomes more closed and your body becomes more tense. In order to feel bad, you have to be focused consistently on something negative. It could be some negative event from your past, some imagined scenario from your future or it could be something you perceive to be wrong with yourself or another person. Feeling excited, uplifted and empowered is as easy as knowing how to consistently shift to a more positive focus. By far, the easiest way to direct your focus is to get in the habit of asking yourself quality questions; just by asking quality questions your mind is oriented towards a more positive focus and you begin to feel better. Uplifting Physiology Emotion comes from motion! Kids seem to know this better than most adults – if you’ve ever spent some time with a toddler who just learned how to walk, you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about. They take joy out of every step, every movement. I’m amazed at how much energy my two year old nephew has! He’s always getting into something crazy or going for an exciting adventure somewhere. He’s full of life because he’s full of movement. The truth is you used to be full of life like this too…then your parents and teachers taught you how to be just as sedated and boring as they are! The words “sit down and shut up” (or some variation) may have been ingrained into your brain, because “kids are to be seen and not heard.” Moving around and talking to other kids in class was punished… and later on, you were rewarded with a paycheck every two weeks for being a good employee. Most of our lives are spent in a half comatose state of “zombification” – it’s no wonder half the population is on anti-depressants! The mantra of the western world has become “better living through chemistry”, but why not “better living through movement?” Movement might just solve the two biggest problems of our modern world – namely depression and obesity. Is it possible that the so-called “chemical imbalances” that have been stated as the cause of depression are really just the effect of chronically negative ways of using the body? There is a growing body of evidence to support the connection between physiology and emotional state. The mind-body connection is not just a one way street – the mind does not just affect the body, but the body affects the mind on a very deep level as well. Social psychologist and researcher at Harvard Business School, Amy C.J. Cuddy, carried out a study with 42 participants that proves that simply standing in a powerful posture makes people feel more powerful, with a corresponding increase in testosterone levels and decrease in cortisol levels. Another study in 2006 by dermatologist Eric Finzi, M.D. Ph.D concluded that Botox injections are a highly effective treatment for depression. Why is getting a Botox injection such an effective means of treating depression? Because after the injections, the participants couldn’t frown anymore! Along with these two studies, it’s already a well established fact the simple act of smiling causes the brain to release endorphins, which are the natural pain killers and mood stabilizers of the body. I’m not sure about you, but when I was first exposed to this information, it made me really start thinking about the habitual ways I was using my body… and how that affected how I felt on a daily basis. There are a few “leverage points” you can access to create an uplifting physiology…

Voice Tone – have a cheerful, energetic and confident voice tone with the intention of uplifting yourself and others
Breathing – focus on breathing into your diaphragm instead of your chest or do some deep breathing exercise periodically throughout the day to re-condition your breath to be more relaxed and open
Posture – focus on your posture being open and centered…in different situations this will means different things, so just do what feels good and your be golden
Muscle Tension/Relaxation – get a massage, do some stretches or just jump around to release any tension that has built up in muscles and connective tissues
Biochemistry – eat foods that support and nourish your body, stay away from drugs, caffeine and alcohol as these things disrupt the vital functioning of your body

Putting It All Together To Create A Mind-Blowing State Management Ritual To get the full benefit of a state management ritual, it’s essential that you include all 3 of these elements: quality questions, positive focus and most importantly, uplifting physiology. When you’re asking your quality questions, it’s very important to get your voice and the rest of your physiology involved as well. Remember, emotion comes from motion! You can also super-charge your state-management ritual by adding some music – this will really get you pumped up! I’d recommend powerful, uplifting music without lyrics as this will make it easier to focus on asking and answering your quality questions while you are listening to it. Below are some examples of brilliant state management rituals that will give you some ideas on how to create your own. I want to make it clear that your state management ritual doesn’t have to be anything like the videos below. The important thing is that it works for you and fits to your unique personality. The people in the videos below have some pretty extreme personalities and that’s part of the reason I included them; to give you a better idea of what’s possible. Watch on!… Here’s a video (below) created by Sean Stephenson, who is about 3 feet tall with brittle bone disease and confined to a wheel chair for most of his day, yet he still finds a way to party! If he can feel great everyday, what’s your excuse? This next video (below) “Jessica’s Morning Affirmation” is pretty amazing as well. Notice how she gets her physiology involved! What’s your state management ritual? What is effective for you? What’s not so effective? Feel free to post below and share so everyone can else from your experience!

The Science of Epigenetics

rethinkh — Fri, 11 Feb 2011 03:01:43 +0000

For the most part, the genes of our DNA, the most basic building block of life, are unchanging. However, researchers have discovered that the way these genes are expressed and whether they are actively affecting our physical bodies or remaining dormant, is determined by several lifestyle factors. There’s a new science emerging today called epigenetics and it’s based upon the effects of these lifestyle factors on gene expression. In genetics, gene expression is the most fundamental level at which your genetic code gives rise to the observable characteristics and functioning of your body. Your genetic code is “interpreted” by the process of gene expression. What this really means is that your genes can be in an active state, or a dormant state, and whether they’re active or dormant determines the functioning of your body and your mind. For more information on this, you might also want to check out some videos I posted by Bruce Lipton, a cellular biologist who explains it all in a very interesting, and most importantly, a very easy-to-understand way. (If you’re at all interested in self-improvement, these videos will absolutely blow your mind!)

As you may well imagine, this discovery has many far-reaching implications. It means that even though we may have inherited a genetic predisposition to obesity, diabetes or heart disease, we can influence our genetic code to such an extent that those genes become dormant and any genetic predisposition or weakness becomes a non-issue. If you were one of those people who thought you were overweight because of bad genes, it may have been a great way to pass the responsibility for your health off to previous generations, but now the ball is back in your court. With this responsibility comes the freedom to make a lasting change in your life. Obviously, certain physical characteristics cannot be influenced by lifestyle factors. Things like body type, eye color, height or bone structure are all but set in stone, yet there is a great deal of changes that can be made. In his book, the Spectrum, Dr. Dean Ornish explains how virtually all chronic disease including cancer, heart disease, depression, diabetes and obesity can be eliminated completely by adjusting these lifestyle factors to influence more favorable gene expression. So what are these all powerful lifestyle factors? Well, the way your genes are expressed is determined by the foods you eat, the people you surround yourself with, your environment, your thoughts, your emotions, your world view and your self-image. I know this process may seem a bit complicated, but it’s actually pretty straight-forward if you remember this… When you make a positive change in any of the lifestyle factors I mentioned here, you change your genes and you become a more actualized version of yourself. Think about it…

You Only Have 5,416 Days to Live!?

rethinkh — Tue, 08 Feb 2011 00:35:10 +0000

We always talk about how many years we expect to live, but have you ever thought about how many days you’ll live? It’s not nearly as many as you’d think…

The average life expectancy for a child born today in Canada is about 80 years (78.7 for men and 83.9 for women). This means that a child born today will only live an average of 29,200 days! Of this total life span, we could estimate that 10 years after birth and 5 years before death would be spent partially or completely dependent on caregivers, so that leaves only about 65 years, or 23,725 days, available when someone isn’t changing your diapers or making decisions for you. But wait! What about time spent sleeping? If you get an average of 8 hours of sleep per day, then that means that, of the remaining 65 years, or 23,725 days, you spend 7,908 days sleeping. Unless you’ve mastered the art of lucid dreaming, this leaves you with only 15,816 days of complete independence and self-determination. One more thing! You know that full-time job you go to at least 40 hours a week? We can’t forget about that! All those of you who enjoy your jobs can skip this step, but if you’re like me before I started doing what I love and you absolutely loathe your job right now, you might want to pay attention to this one… If you work 40 hours a week from the age of 20 to 60, that translates to 10,400 days spent wasting your life making somebody else rich and making their dreams come true instead of living your own. That’s 2,080 attempts to drag yourself out of bed on Monday morning and 2,080 Fridays where you can celebrate what limited freedom you might have. 15, 816 days less 10,400 days spent working leaves you with a measly little 5,416 days remaining to do what you want. So, if you’re a child born today in Canada, you expect to spend 8 hours per night sleeping and you have a job you despise, then that means you only have the equivalent of 5,416 days to actually LIVE!

“Don’t be fooled by the calendar. There are only as many days in the year as you make use of.” - Charles Richards

Does this change your priorities a little bit? Comment below to let me know!

How To Be The Change You Wish To See In The World

rethinkh — Thu, 03 Feb 2011 09:22:41 +0000

Have you ever thought about how much influence you have on the people in your life? Have you ever wanted to make a positive change in your family, but were unsure how to accomplish it without resorting to direct confrontation? Have you ever arrived home in a bad mood and wondered why everyone else seems to be in a bad mood too? Have you ever witnessed someone walk into a room and completely change the feeling or “energy” in that room? The answers to all these questions can be found in an understanding of relational dynamics and social systems theory. Together, these two fields of study explain how small changes in one part of a social system can profoundly affect the entire system. In this post, we’ll take an in-depth look at how to manage your own emotional state, and most importantly, how small, strategic changes in your own behavior can create massive changes in the social systems (family, business, community) you are part of.

To begin with, we’ll discuss the systems inside of you. Whether you want to create a positive change in your family, your workplace, your circle of friends or your workplace, the first step is always to master yourself so you can have to greatest impact on those around you.

State Mastery: Physiology, Focus, Language and Meaning

There are three points of leverage that you can use to change your state. If you make a change in just one of these points of leverage, you will experience a noticeable shift in your state. If you make a change in all three, you will experience a dramatic shift in your state. Physiology (Body) Emotion comes from motion. How you are using your physiology has the most powerful influence on the emotional state you are in at any given moment. In total, there are ten points of leverage you can access to make a shift in your physiology:

breathing (deep or shallow, rapid or slow)
posture (shoulders forward/back, head up/down, back straight/bent, gestures open/closed)
voice tone (volume, timbre, tempo, rhythm)
muscle tension/relaxation (relaxed/tense, smiling/frowning)
biochemistry
meridian system (balanced or disrupted)
eye position
brain waves (frequency)
heart waves (frequency)
heart-brain interaction (coherent or incoherent)

Focus What you focus on determines what you feel. There are a total of five different aspects of experience you can focus on and each corresponds to a very different emotional state:

past positive (nostalgia, pride)
past negative (regret, guilt, shame, sadness, grief, anger, resentment, disgust, contempt)
present moment (awareness, calm, peace, contentment)
future negative (fear, anxiety, apprehension)
future positive (excitement, optimism, enthusiasm)

Language and Meaning The way you use language and the meaning you create from any experience has a great deal of influence over your behaviors in the future. There are three points of leverage we can focus on to make a shift in language and meaning:

questions (positive presuppositions or negative presuppositions)
internal dialogue (self-appreciating or self-deprecating)
external dialogue (encouraging or discouraging)

In summary, your physiology, your focus, and your language and meaning are in constant interaction. They form a working system inside of you that determines your emotional state at any given time. If you want to shift your emotional state, simply change your physiology, your focus, or your language and meaning.

You As Part Of A Larger Social System

Now that you have an understanding of the system inside of you, this section to help you understand how you are a point of leverage in a larger social system. Creating a positive change in a larger social system begins with making a positive change in yourself. The diagram below illustrates how each person in the larger social system is connected through relationships. Because every part of the system is connected, when you change, those changes create a shift in the larger system. By acting in strategic and precise ways, you can create massive shifts in your family, in your workplace and in your community with minimal effort.

Family System Diagram (click to enlarge)

How To Create Change in Larger Social Systems

"You", "The Other" and "The Relationship" between "You" and "The Other" are three separate and equally important aspects to consider when making a change in any system.

When making changes in larger social systems, there are three parts to consider: “You”, “The Other” and “The Relationship.”

When “You” change your actions or your internal state…
“The Relationship” itself changes and then…
“The Other” changes indirectly in response to the changes in “The Relationship.”

Any change you make in yourself, whether positive or negative, will automatically create a change in the relationships you have with other people. Any change in the relationship necessarily creates a change in the other person as well. With their actions and internal state, other people in your life are influencing you through this very same mechanism – that’s why it’s so incredibly important for you to understand the key relationships you have developed through life and how these key relationships are affecting how you use your body, what you focus on and the meaning you place on the events of your life.

“You must be the change you wish to see in the world.” - Mahatma Ghandi

That’s all for now! Please feel free to leave any questions or comments below!

Jane’s Transformation: An Intro To Human Needs Psychology

rethinkh — Fri, 28 Jan 2011 11:28:04 +0000

Get More Info About The Workshop on January 29th!

Bruce Lipton – The Biology of Conscious Parenting

rethinkh — Wed, 19 Jan 2011 07:10:12 +0000

Just how important is it to be a “conscious parent”? This lecture by cellular biologist, Bruce Lipton, explains the need for conscious parenting and the role of expecting parents as “genetic programmers” to their unborn children. He explains how genes are not deterministic, but are selected based on the environment the cell is in; in a human body, the cell’s environment is determined by perceptions and those perceptions are based on beliefs. Lipton advocates the need for parents to create a supportive prenatal and postnatal environment for their children to ensure their long-term success and well-being. Click the “More” Button For Part 2…

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

Part 7

Part 8

Part 9

Part 10

Part 11

Part 12

Bruce Lipton – The Biology of Perception

rethinkh — Mon, 17 Jan 2011 06:34:16 +0000

If your one of those people who think you are a slave to your genetic programming, you owe it to yourself to watch this series of videos. In this entertaining and straightforward lecture, cellular biologist, Bruce Lipton explains the truth: you are not controlled by your genes, but rather, your genes are selected based upon your perception of the world around you. Your perception is based on the conscious and unconscious beliefs you hold in your mind. Best of all, you can change your beliefs which means you’re in complete control of your life experience. To discover the exact science behind this claim, and to leave the “genetic excuse” behind forever, click the play button below… Click the “More” Button For Part 2…

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

Part 7

The 6 Unseen Forces That Shape Human Behavior

rethinkh — Sun, 02 Jan 2011 01:12:01 +0000

Have you ever wanted to change, then found it difficult finding the motivation to make the change a permanent part of your life? Have you ever wondered why you keep coming back to the same self-defeating or limiting behaviors time and time again? Have you ever said or done something that was in conflict with the person you want to be, then felt regret for doing so? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you’ll want to pay close attention to this post. The six human needs outlined here, and particularly the value you place upon them, are the unseen forces that determine all your behaviors and ultimately, the course of your life. Clearly understanding how you’re motivated means that you’ll have much greater awareness of your past experiences, and greater freedom to create the life you want in your future.

The 6 Human Needs

The first four needs, certainty, variety, significance, and love/connection, are the survival needs; the needs that must be met just to survive in the world. We all have a basic need to be certain and secure, we all have the need for variety and excitement in life, we all have the need to be feel significant and worthy of love, and we all have a need for love and connection. Every human being on the planet will find some vehicle for meeting these needs, whether it’s positive or negative. The way a person meets their needs is not a reflection of who they are at their core, but only a reflection of what they have learned through their life experience. The last two needs, growth and contribution, are the spiritual needs; the needs that are necessary to create a life of fulfillment and meaning. Meeting these spiritual needs is not absolutely necessary for our survival, but it is certainly necessary to create a life that we can be proud of. What follows is a list of some common positive and negative ways of meeting each of the six human needs. The list below is by no means exhaustive, but rather a sample of associated behavors to get you thinking about how these needs are met in your life. Certainty We all have a need for certainty. Certainty can also be thought of as security, stability, feeling grounded and in control of our lives. Some negative ways of meeting the need for certainty are:

staying at home and never going out
associating only with certain people
managing emotional states by self-medicating with drugs, cigarettes or food
trying to control other people
sitting on the couch and collecting a welfare check
resorting to anger and/or violence to control a situation

Some positive ways of meeting the need for certainty are:

having three months expenses saved for emergencies
creating supportive and stable relationships with those closest to you
living in a safe neighborhood
learning about business, money and wealth creation
meditation or other daily practice

Variety We all have a need for variety – for uncertainty, excitement and adventure. Some negative ways of meeting the need for variety are:

gossiping with friend, family or in the workplace
driving too fast or erratically and putting other people in danger
abusing drugs or food to shift emotional state
playing games of chance
seeking variety through intimate relationships

Some positive ways of meeting the need for variety are:

traveling or going on a vacation
doing something outside of your comfort zone (karaoke, bobsledding, skydiving)
changing up your exercise regime
having a conversation with someone you’ve never talked to
having a wide variety of friendships with different kinds of people

Significance We all have a need to feel significant – to feel important, unique and special. Some negative ways of meeting the need for significance are:

using strong or offensive language
resorting to anger and/or violence to exert power over others
having very significant or important problems
buying an expensive vehicle primarily to impress others
ignoring people or not being fully present when people are speaking
putting other people down or bullying

Some positive ways of meeting the need for significance are:

becoming a leader in a business or organization
traveling around the world
entertaining others
achieving something of distinction
teaching others something of value

Love and Connection We all have a need for love and connection. Notice there is a distinction made between these two; love and connection are not the same thing. Most people seldom experience love because in order to do so, they would have to open themselves up to it; vulnerability is required. If a person greatly values certainty or significance, they will have a tough time experiencing love. Instead, they settle for connection, which is safer but also less fulfilling. Some negative ways of meeting the need for love and connection are:

constantly feeling depressed so others empathize with you
talking with others about all the problems in life
seeking love and approval from other people out of insecurity
using food to relax and connect with yourself or others
acting out in negative ways

Some positive ways of meeting the need for love and connection are:

creating healthy, stable relationships
listening to other people fully and allowing them to feel understood
appreciating and loving yourself and giving from that place
smiling and genuinely thanking the cashier at the grocery store
giving a “courtesy wave” when somebody let’s in you in in traffic

Growth Everything in the universe is either expanding or collapsing. This is true for you as well; you’re either growing or turning inward on yourself; you’re either expanding your abilities or you’re shrinking in the shadow of what you could become. Fulfillment in life comes from overcoming life’s obstacles, learning from them and growing into a more evolved version of yourself. Contribution Contribution means making your life about something more than just yourself; it’s about reaching out and helping another person meet their needs in a positive way. There are many people that seem to have everything and they may be meeting all their other needs in positive ways, but if they fail to make their lives about something more than just themselves, their life is empty and meaningless. Contribution to the world in a positive way is absolutely necessary to create a life of meaning.

The Primary Force That Shapes Your Life

Based on the unique experiences you’ve had throughout your life, you’ve learned to place different levels of importance on each of these needs. It’s this differing value system that determines your unique personality and both your positive and negative behaviors. Another very interesting corollary to this is that the two needs you value the most determine in large part the course of your life. A person that values certainty first and foremost will have a very different life than someone who primarily values variety an excitement. A person whose top need is significance will have a very different life than a person whose top need is love and connection.

Exercise: Your Needs Analysis

Rank these six human needs from most important to least important…
What is the need you value the most? Why do you suppose you value this need the most? How do you fulfill this need in positive ways? How do you fulfill this need in negative ways?
What is your second most valued need? Why do you suppose you value this need the second most? How do you fulfill this need in positive ways? How do you fulfill this need in negative ways?
How do these top two needs conflict with each other?
How do these top two needs compliment each other?
How do these top two needs affect your relationships? …your finances? …your health?

Credit to Anthony Robbins and Cloe Madanes for their knowledge and expertise in the creation of Human Needs Psychology.